Admittedly this has nothing to do with the motor show, but the thing that’s impressed me most this week has been my hotel toilet. Not only is the seat heated, but there’s a built-in bidet. When you finish your business, you prod a button and a tiny arm motors forth to spay a jet of warm water on your nether region – you can even adjust the strength of the jet. Another button then switches on the blower to dry you off.

I’ve been to Japan many times, but I never failed to be wowed the quality of their thrones. They’re a work of genius. Why can’t we have them in the UK?

The prize for pr nonsense at the show goes to Mazda. According to the press blurb, the Taiki concept “visually expresses the flow of air” and “was inspired by the image of a pair of Hagoromo – the flowing robes that enable a celestial maiden to fly in Japanese legend – floating down from the sky.” Meanwhile, the dramatic side surfaces, “were inspired by the simple yet beautifully refined flow of carefully raked rocks found in Japanese karesansui gardens.”

What a load of twaddle – this is a great looking car and it should be left to speak for itself.

I had a play on the Toyota stand with the i-REAL. This is not the first time that Toyota has shown what they describe as a ‘personal mobility vehicle’ and they’re adamant that it’s now a step closer to series production. A cynic might describe the i-REAL as a glorified wheelchair, but it’s hard to deny that it’s terrific fun.

In common with its most obvious rival, the Segway, the controls are very intuitive. You push the twin levers down to go forwards, pull them back to brake and rock them to and fro to turn. There’s a forward and reverse gear and a parking brake.

For low speed work, the i-REAL adopts an upright position but for the open road, the seat reclines and the wheelbase extends for greater stability. Powered by an electric motor, it can even claim to be environmentally-friendly.

The i-REAL would be a great toy, but I’d still have a few reservations about its practicality. You’re always exposed to the elements, it doesn’t feel particularly safe – there’s not even a seatbelt – and then there’s the bureaucracy. Remember that the allegedly ‘green’ red Ken banned the eco-friendly Segway from London’s streets. 

“The Pivo2 is designed for women,” said the friendly Nissan translator. “The cabin can swivel, so women will be able to park.” It was a gloriously un-PC comment in a country not exactly renowned for its sexual equality. The Pivo is, unashamedly, a girlie concept, but it’s packed with fresh thinking.

It’s designed to care both for the environment and its driver. An onboard robot is designed to monitor your mood and then respond accordingly. If it senses you’re down, it is programmed to tell jokes or play your favourite music. It works by analysing the driver’s facial expressions, focussing on key features such as the mouth and eyes. It should then be able to tell a smile from a grimace. Nissan had a prototype version for us to try which sadly failed to recognise my cheesy grin. “It needs some calibration,” said the engineer.

Teething troubles aside though, the electrically-powered Pivo was one of the more engaging concepts. It’ll never enter production but as Executive Vice President Carlos Tavares explained, it’s a pointer to a friendlier future and good for Nissan’s moral. It might be a girlie concept, but this alpha male found it strangely appealing.

Mitsubishi is another manufacturer trying to prove that green can also be fun. Based loosely on the Mitsubishi i (which has just gone on sale in the UK), the i MiEV Sport combines a single electric motor at the rear with two in-wheel motors at the front to deliver 3-motor power with four-wheel drive. The car can even be charged using microwaves, so you don’t have to plug it into an external power source. It’s a work of genius that has absolutely no chance of ever entering production.

Launched alongside the new M3 saloon, the BMW Concept 1 Series tii was almost more significant for its bizarre presentation than its likely performance. Standing next to the concept throughout the day were a western blonde and brunette, each clutching a race helmet. At first glance this might look like a fine example of female emancipation, until you look a little further. Rather than Nomex race suits, both girls were dressed in highly impractical dresses and knee-high, high-heeled boots. Given the likely performance of the tii, such an outfit could only be described as a health hazard.

Great car though – let’s hope they make it.

Exhibitors at the Tokyo motor show have historically never been shy about using local lovelies to promote even the most tedious of products. In years gone by some of their costumes were of questionable taste – school girl outfits anyone? – but by Japanese standards, this year’s crop were modestly attired. The gossip mags would have noted that the dominant fashion was for a short PVC dress or jacket with shorts, complemented by knee high boots. 

It was interesting to note which manufacturers had imported western girls and which had opted for local talent. Ferrari, for example, had Japanese girls dressed in classical, western-style evening dresses. BMW meanwhile, chose to employ a brunette in leather who could best be described as ‘strapping’. Fascinating.

Following swiftly on from its Frankfurt debut last month, Volkswagen’s up! concept was back with some subtle twists and a cool little infotainment module. The screen simplifies the dash and looks cute, but I couldn’t help thinking that I’d seen its like before. Apple’s trademark lawyers might like a closer look – the resemblance to the iPhone is startling.

There’s yet another version of the Up! expected to debut at the Los Angeles show in November. It helps keep the interest alive I suppose, which is no easy challenge given that production won’t start for another couple of years at least.

Honda CR-Z
The success of the hybrid Toyota Prius is in no small part due to its unusual aesthetics. It’s futuristic, aerodynamic styling leaves on-lookers in no doubt that its owner has ‘gone green’ and is socially responsible. In some parts of the world this is a hugely potent expression – in Los Angeles, a male colleague was recently offered the pleasures of the flesh simply because he drove a Prius.
 
Honda’s Civic IMA, by contrast, wraps hybrid technology in a conventional saloon car body. The Civic looks beige, not green and has fared not nearly as well as the Prius. This is an inconvenient truth not lost on Honda, who used the Tokyo show to debut the CR-Z.
 
The CR-Z is a small hybrid sports coupe that combines a petrol engine with an electric motor. The distinctive front-end has more than a hint of the new Mitsubishi Evolution X, while the sloping tailgate echoes the style of Honda’s first hybrid car, the two-seater Insight. The CR-Z is destined for production and Honda hopes to convince customers that green can be fun. Expect to see it slipping quietly into a Honda showroom sometime in 2009.

Officially, Audi was describing its new hatchback as the metroproject, but no-one was left in any doubt that it’ll be on sale in a couple of years time, badged as an A1. It’s probably fair to say that it looks better in the metal than it does in photographs, but it’s definitely not the prettiest design to emerge from the Ingolstadt HQ in recent years. It lacks the cutesy appeal of rivals such as the Mini or Fiat 500, and the huge, trapezoidal grille looks particularly heavy-handed on such a small car. At least the cabin is up to Audi’s usual, impeccable standards.

The concept car is a hybrid. A 1.4-litre direct injection turbo petrol engine powers the front wheels, while an electric motor powers the rears. Audi can therefore claim that the Metroconcept is true to its four-wheel drive, Quattro heritage. This hybrid version might just make production, alongside a more conventional line-up of petrol and diesel engines.

The press launch was enlivened by the performance of Audi’s chairman, Rupert Stadler. Clutching a prototype device that combines the functionality of an entry key with that of a mobile phone and MP3 player, he declared that Bryan Adams was his favourite artist and proceeded to enliven proceedings with a blast of ‘Run to You.’ This was a follow up from the A4 launch at the Frankfurt Show, when Bryan himself appeared strumming ‘Summer of ’69.’ Truly bizarre.

On a more serious note, Audi will be hoping that the A1 performs rather better than the similarly-sized A2 did. Launched in 1999 with a high-tech aluminium monocoque the A2 was clever but expensive, odd looking and sold poorly. Audi will be hoping that the success of the pricey Mini has made the public more amenable to premium, small cars. The A1 should reach British showrooms sometime in 2009.